God did not make me the kind of person I wanted to be

Q: My little boy (4 yrs old) recently told me he was upset that “God didn’t make me the kind of person I wanted to be.” He was very ashamed and wouldn’t tell me what that “person” was, but I am pretty sure he meant a girl.
My son loves trains and trucks, but he also likes princesses and jewelry. He’s sensitive to not outwardly displaying that he likes “girl” things, as kids at school have teased him.
He’s only four and I think it’s totally normal for him to like everything, isn’t it?


A: Yes it very much is normal. He is a 4 year old child who is only exploring what is in his world and it is your job as a parent to provide a safe environment for him to explore. Most 4 year olds are still at an asexual age (they see little difference between male and female issues). They will follow what is around them. Based on your comments that he likes princesses and jewelry he may have a sister or a female playmate. If he looks up to his sister/playmate he just wants to be with her and follow her lead. My one daughter has a playmate who is a boy that is one year younger than her. He loves super hero’s and she loves tea parties when they are separated. However when they get together they will play superhero’s or tea parties together, because they lookup to each other and they like doing this.


As a parent do not worry about this and let him feel safe to play with these toys and feel safe to be himself. Lift him up at home in whatever way you find possible to give him the self confidence he needs. This way he will not need to look to his peers for self worth. Remind him that he is a special person who God created and remind him that God does not create junk. He is an awesome guy who loves what is around him, like his mother or sister and he should never be ashamed of that.


I find it funny that we tend to ring the alarm bells when a boy shows interest in girl things, however we would never bock an eye at a girl playing with trucks, toy guns, or tractors. For example my other daughter knows I love hunting and the outdoors, so on Saturday morning when I am watching TV she will crawl on my lap and ask to watch hunting and fishing shows. I guess years of brainwashing have finally paid off. 

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Trevor works as a child protection worker and a licensed registered Social Worker in his home province.  During his schooling and training he specialized in mental illness and addictions.  He looks forward to answering your questions on mental illness, addictions, parenting or child behavior.