Finding your Limits

We all have limits.

We all have that breaking point where we just hang our heads and whisper, please no more.  I’m done for today.

We all have limits.

We don’t always adhere to those limits.  Sometimes we just keep pushing because there are never enough hours in the day.  Sometimes we stretch ourselves a little too thin because we want to be the best mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, employee, and friend. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew because we truly think we can.  If we just keep pushing we will find the hours, accomplish the goals, and be all of those wonderful things.

If only the laundry would just go away.

We all have limits.

Stress occurs for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes it’s external.  Sometimes it’s environmental.  Often it’s a product of our own busy lives.  Our refusal to slow down because the cupcakes need to be frosted before school pick up and the laundry has to be folded once the kids rest their heads.

Stress is a part of our daily lives.  Stress keeps us awake long past our self-appointed bedtimes and wakes us from a deep sleep.  Stress causes us to eat too much or too little, forego regular exercise, and snap at our loved ones.  Stress causes us to tense up throughout the day, which results in back and neck pain, sore jaws, and cramped hands.  Stress causes us to hide in the darkness and wait for relief when the migraine sets in.  Stress causes illnesses that we don’t have time to treat.  Stress causes us to feel guilty, sad, anxious, and depressed.  Stress will wreck us if we let it.

We all have limits.

It’s time to start adhering to those limits before stress wins.  Because if stress wins, we all lose.

Know your limits:  When our daily lives are packed with essential responsibilities, it can be hard to know your limits.  Where is that breaking point?  When should I say no?  We are all different, and we can all handle different levels of business.  Find your limit and stick to it.  You don’t have to bring every snack, volunteer for every available time slot, and drive everybody else’s kids around town.  You don’t have to attend every party, say yes to every dinner, and entertain every weekend.  All you have to do is take care of your family.  You can’t do that if you are under stress and stuck in bed with a migraine.  Learn your limits and stick to them.

Find a friend:  Women who have close friends in their support systems typically manage their stress better than women who feel isolated.  It makes perfect sense.  If you have someone to talk to, you will be able to work through your stress.  Here’s the catch:  Research actually shows that women who only focus on negative emotions actually experience a surge in stress hormones.  Make some time for positive talk and avoid the constant complainers…they might be bringing you down.

Massage, yoga, and music:  All three of these coping strategies have been around forever because they work.  And before you start telling me that you have no time, yoga can be done in 20 minute increments and a massage doesn’t have to take up your whole day.  Music needs no explanation.  Just do it, you deserve it.

Find an outlet:  Journaling your thoughts can help you get the stress out.  Try making a list of your daily stressors followed by three good things that happened during the day before you turn out the lights.  Getting out the negative and ending on a positive can do wonders for easing into a restful sleep.  If writing isn’t your thing consider drawing, reading, or knitting.  And daily exercise is always a good strategy.  While I don’t usually recommend TV as an outlet (it doesn’t actually resolve your stress), I do recommend The Ellen Show.  Ellen will make you laugh and cry.  She’s good for the soul.

Power down:  Did you know that the Smartphone next to your bed is likely causing you to lose sleep at night?  It’s true.  It doesn’t matter if it’s on silent, the light alone will confuse your senses.  And reading by tablet or working on your laptop before you turn off the lights is over-stimulating as well.  Turn off the electronics at least 30 minutes before you turn in for a better chance of a restful sleep.  Moment of truth:  I’m guilty on all fronts, so please don’t interpret this as preaching!

Need a few more ideas?  Here’s what a few moms on Twitter have to say about de-stressing:

@playfullyever:  “I take a hot bath and drink some herbal tea”

@thelittlemumma:  “Wine?  No, wait. Yoga.  Yes, yoga is totally what I do.  That and a and a spot of meditation”

@melissa_not_moe:  “Put on my iPod and drink a glass of wine”

@brinkeetos:  “Cooking, walking the dog, or painting”

@AnOptimisticMom:  “I have quiet time.  Allows me to reflect and make more clear decisions”

@mcduzzle:  “I love to run or read”

@JennTRobinson:  “I de-stress by cleaning” (Please come to my house too)

How will you de-stress so that you don’t hit your limit?

Katie is a Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist/Parenting Expert in Los Angeles, CA.  She has a four year old daughter, three year old son, and a rock and roll husband who makes her life complete. Katie has a parenting advice blog, Practical Parenting, and can also be found on Twitter.