The question of how to handle a child who occasionally or continually outright ignores their parent’s requests is one that seems to reside in the back of parents minds frequently.
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I disciplining my children properly?
These might be questions you ask yourself often. The thing is, what shapes your children reaches far beyond what you choose to do when they are misbehaving.
Essentially, your goal as a parent is to not only discipline but to instill confidence, values, independence, strength, and resilience.
So how is it that you achieve that goal? There are many ways to make sure that you are achieving your parental goals through effective discipline.
THE KEY TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE
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TEACH INSTEAD OF “PUNISH”
The word “punishment” has such a negative connotation and rightfully so. Punishment just sounds so harsh. Your job as a parent is not to punish but to teach your children the correct way to behave, react and respond to any given situation.
Be proactive in your behavior modeling and you won’t have to be reactive as often. It is one of the most important things you can do is to ensure that your child has a loving home with lots of positive reinforcement.
Show your children how to behave by setting a good example and nurturing self-discipline and self-control but don’t “punish” them when they make a mistake. Instead, guide them to make the right decisions.
If you feel that having a consequence would help teach them, you can have a discussion and ask them what they think would help them to remember not to behave the same way the next time.
My own children often will say they should not have Netflix for a few days, or something like that. If children come up with the consequence it helps them to take responsibility without you punishing them.
MAKE THE RULES CLEAR
If the rules and consequences aren’t clear you really can’t expect them to be followed. In all honesty being consistent is a huge part of parenting.
If you allow a certain behavior at one point and resist it the next, you are confusing your child. Make sure that you follow through with the consequences you suggest.
If you say: “You need to clean your room or you are not playing video games” but then you find yourself overwhelmed and just allow them to play their video games anyway, you are teaching your child they really don’t have to listen to what you say.
If you are clear and concise with your expectations and stick to your guns if they don’t follow through, your child is far more likely to make a better behavior choice next time.
ENCOURAGE, DON’T BRIBE
There is a huge difference between encouraging good behavior and bribing your children to behave. You never want your child to lose the ability to be internally motivated.
Offering rewards can be counterproductive. Instead of those reward charts and treats, offer words of encouragement and acceptance. Praise goes a long way when it comes to raising your children and it has a much more positive effect than bribery.
There are many ways to effectively discipline and motivate your children to make positive behavior choices. Just ensure that you too are making the most beneficial disciplinary choices you can make long-term for your little ones.
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