When I had my first child I loved to find other mom’s with babies my daughter’s exact age and grill them with every question imaginable. Some of the questions went like this:
When did your child walk?
Can they drink from a cup?
How many words are they saying?
With every answer I would fall deeper into worry about how my child compared to theirs, why wasn’t mine walking? Why hadn’t my child cut her first tooth? Why was her daughter already reciting the pledge of allegiance while doing cartwheels? Mine can’t do that yet! It became a constant worry in my mind if my daughter was measuring up. It was definitely a slippery slope that did nothing but stress me out,and as a new mom we are already sleep deprived and worried sick about our children, why add all of that extra unnecessary stress?
I found a lot of wonderful advice in an article titled “Don’t compare your kids to others” at body+soul by parenting expert Michael Grose. He mentioned three reasons why we shouldn’t compare our kid’s with others.
1. Kid’s develop at different rates.
2. Kid’s have different talents.
3. Parents can have unrealistic expectations.
This information is so true! Everyone is so different in this whole entire world. Why would we all complete the same tasks at the same time? It just does not happen and there is nothing wrong with that.
Since having more children I have stopped comparing so much and started enjoying more. Just learning and loving the personality our children have and what makes them original is a lot healthier way to think. The milestones we worry about all end up happening when the time is right for each of our children so why worry endlessly about it?
Do you ever play the compare game? What do you worry about most when it comes to your kids?
Have you seen this COMPARING BABIES CARTOON?
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Monday 8th of September 2014
I appreciate you sharing this article.Thanks Again. Really Cool. degegggeecec
Monday 18th of April 2011
So true! I find it's when I worry about what others think of me that I start to compare my parenting or how my son is doing. I was worried recently about cavities and whether I was doing a good job. My son was complaining his teeth hurt. We let him have all the junk food we like. Found this Mom's Guide to Caring for Little Teeth that helped me think through where my son is at and what to expect in stages coming up. Even with that, every kid has different genetic makeup that affects their health. Not comparing kids is a great bit of advice! Thanks for your post.
Tuesday 19th of April 2011
Ps-So apparently I am not very tech savy and realize my link doesn't work. It really is worthwhile so I'll repost it here for any who are interested - Mom's Guide to Caring for Little Teeth
Tuesday 12th of April 2011
So so true!
Thursday 31st of March 2011
I have to say that, with my little guy, I don't worry at all. He didn't crawl until 9 months and didn't walk until 19 months. No big deal. Here's what I learned in one of my child development classes that really showed me it's OK NOT to worry: When children are developing cognitively, they slow down on their motor development, and vice versa. My little one was talking up a storm, figuring out the names of colors, letters, numbers, etc. way before the "average" kid his age. Since he was doing those things, I figured he would eventually do the motor skills - and he did. He can now run, jump, and is working on hopping (it's going to be a while!)
Lady of Perpetual Chaos
Thursday 31st of March 2011
I think it's really hard and almost unnatural not to compare. We constantly compare ourselves to our peers so it's not that surprising that we compare our children as well. But I do think that it can be very destructive to us and to our children. Who wants to grow up hearing about how they compare to other children and whether or not they measure up. Although I think it is difficult, we are all better off if we can stop comparing and just stick to living.
Great article Carly!