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Letting Go of Control

 

 

Parenting isn’t about control.

 

Parenting is about guidance.

 

Parenting is about structure, limits, and consistency.

 

Parenting is about empathy.

 

And, above all, parenting is about unconditional love.

 

Parenting isn’t about control.

 

But yelling is.

 

Yelling is a function of feeling a loss of control.

 

Yelling happens when stress is high and emotions are heated.

 

Yelling happens when we can’t seem to get what we want, and we feel like we are out of options.

 

Yelling is a last ditch effort to regain control of a situation.

 

Yelling won’t get your needs met…yelling will result in hurt feelings for your child…and yelling will leave you feeling horrible.

Letting go of control as a parent.

yelling woman image via Shutterstock

 

I hear it almost every day, words said in anger when kids fail to meet the expectations of their parents.

 

Just the other day I witnessed a father, clearly very tired, yell at his 18 month old daughter to stop whining while sitting in a shopping cart.  Developmentally, children don’t yet know how to “whine” yet at 18 months…whining, after all, requires some learning.  In fact, the little girl had tears streaming down her face.  Perhaps she was hungry; perhaps she was tired; perhaps she just couldn’t handle the grocery shopping at that moment.  Whatever the reason, she was sad.  Her sadness was only made worse by the yelling.

 

It might not always feel like it, but there is always another way to handle any given situation.

 

When parents yell in frustration, children learn to yell in frustration.  We all need to follow the same advice that we give to our children.

Use your kind words.

 

Take three deep breaths.

 

Take a break.

 

Ask for help.

 

Some days are better than others.  We all have our moments.  It’s how we choose to handle these moments that makes a big difference in the lives of our children.

 

The next time you feel anger rising in response to a stressful parenting situation, remember this:  Yelling won’t get your needs met, but problem solving will.

 

Use your kind words.

 

Take three deep breaths.

 

Take a break.

 

And ask for help….

 

You won’t regret it.

 

 

You may also like: IT TAKES A VILLAGE

 

Karla

Wednesday 4th of March 2015

I am so glad to have read this as I realize "control" is a big issue for me when it comes to parenting. As the kids were younger, it was much simpler; however, as they have become older and entering adulthood, control no longer works. I thank you for this reminder as I have truly enjoyed your blog. I often blog to inspire others sprinkleofinspiration however, it is so refreshing to be the recipient of your inspiration. thanks you

Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)

Wednesday 30th of May 2012

Great reminders... thank you!!!

Galit Breen

Tuesday 29th of May 2012

Such good, humbling advice, you.

(Thank you!)

Candace

Tuesday 29th of May 2012

Great post! I find sometimes that I react out of frustration or out of thinking that "this is the way it is supposed to be". When I take a step back and calm down, I often realize that I wasn't parenting from a thoughtful place. We all need these reminders now and again!

Multi-Testing Mommy

Friday 25th of May 2012

What a fabulous post! One day at a time, one moment at a time. Deep breaths and sometimes walking away helps. We must remember that we are setting an example for our children. If we yell, so will they! A yelling household is no fun for anyone!