Q: Our neighborhood only has about 4 boys that are the same general age as my 7 year old son. For the most part, they get along really well. The boy who lives across the street, though, is a problem for our family. Twice now his attacks on my son have left lasting marks. The first time, he threw a toy at my son, leaving a big spot (and then bruise). Today, he swung a plastic sword like a baseball bat, leaving several welts on my son’s back. It’s been a few hours and the marks are still bright red.
A: As I am reading this question I am reminded of a very old Saturday Night Live sketch that was hosted by Eddie Murphy “It’s a **** of a day in the neighborhood, a kick in the head will do you good, when I move in, you will move out, won’t you be my neighbor?”
ANY child that exhibits behavior like this has some type of issues as to what is “normal” and what is not. As its stands right now, the welfare of a child or several others may be at risk. This could be your child and/or the child that is having these issues.
According to the Child and Family Services Act, where I live, anytime a child is at risk and it is not reported, the person who does not surrender this information can be charged. Clearly this is not cool and if I was in this situation I would be making several calls.
First I would contact the police. Your child was assaulted…with a weapon. I would also let the police know that you will also be contacting your local Child and Family Services office (or Child Protection Services or Child Welfare Office or whatever you call it in your region).
This may sound like overkill, however if there is an issue of some type, these are the professionals that can see what is wrong (sometimes…we are not miracle workers) and get help for this child. Not only will you be helping this child, but you will be protecting yours and other children.
Trevor works as a child protection worker and a licensed registered Social Worker in his home province. During his schooling and training he specialized in mental illness and addictions. He looks forward to answering your questions on mental illness, addictions, parenting or child behavior.
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Megan
Monday 25th of October 2010
Thanks to everyone who replied - your support has been very encouraging to me! Mommylebron, your comment in particular was so helpful, as we have learned that the boy across the street (I'm just going to call him Jack to make it easier) has mental illness. It frustrates me even more knowing this because his parents should already be giving him *more* support, but they don't and then deny that there is a problem when something happens.
It turns out that we didn't have to make a decision on whether or not to report this because the marks were seen by teachers at my son's school. The law requires that they report these things, and that's what happened. Unfortunately, when the school reported it, our version of children's services said that they don't handle that kind of situation and said we need to call the police.
So, we're basically back where we started. It's too late to call the police because the bruises have (finally) faded. I wish I could say that things will be fine from here, but Jack has already been back to some of his old behavior and has had to be reminded that he is not allowed on our property. Fortunately, my kids were in the house and his rage was directed mostly at our front door. The last incident has been recorded with the school, though, so it's there if we need to prove a pattern.
I'll keep you all updated, but I'm praying that there's nothing to report anytime soon :) Thanks again for your comments!
mommylebron
Thursday 21st of October 2010
Child Protective Services absolutely can be of assistance. Their focus is protecting children. Not just from care givers, from anyone, even other children, that a child comes in contact with. I tell you this from personal experience. My daughter has mental illness. When she becomes unstable she can be a bully if there is not proper intervention. We had an incident in the past (because a young and immature day care teacher instigated a situation and allowed it to escalate, rather than intervene) and I had to go through a whole round of investigation. Megan, please don't be afraid to take it to the authorities. You will be making your son safer, but you may also be saving a lost and tormented little boy. There will come a point where it is too late to save him, but with the right intervention he may be able to turn his life around.
kalr3
Friday 15th of October 2010
Megan,
Now that you've expanded on the situation, I would suggest going along with the recommendations to contact the authorities. I realize how sensitive neighbor situations can be. My daughter (and I) are dealing with a similar thing right now with a boy down the street from us...though not quite as violent.
If you can't get anywhere with the boy's parents, it's up to you to be the advocate for your son and take actions to make him feel safe on his own street. He shouldn't have to live in terror or have his friendships with the other neighbor kids thwarted by this bully.
The boy likely acts this way because he can. If a parent came to me and said that my child left MARKS on their child, I would be absolutely mortified and I would take immediate action to ensure my child NEVER did such a thing again. It sounds like this kid's parents downplay his behavior probably because they either don't care, don't see anything wrong with it (the whole "boys will be boys" thing), or don't have any luck themselves in getting him to stop.
No matter the reason, if the parents can't commit to making him stop terrorizing your neighborhood and your son, the authorities will.
If you don't speak up for your son, who will? Good luck and keep at it! :)
Kerry McCullough
Friday 15th of October 2010
Oh my gosh, I am absolutely dreading the day that I have to deal with these situations. My son is just about a year and it makes me want to cry, thinking that someone would treat him in that way. But the fact of the matter is that our children will all go through bullying and other really tough situations. There is going to be a fine balance between enabling them to stick up for themselves and stepping in to protect them. I think this is certainly a situation where you need to step in and protect. I would start by talking to the parents and then take further action, if need be. Good luck!
Eunece
Friday 15th of October 2010
I think she should communicate with the kids parents first and try to work things out. if the parents of the bully doesn't cooperate then it's time to go in the authorities.