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Your Bullying & Teen ADHD/ODD & GAD questions – ANSWERED

Q: What can I do about my preteen that is being bullied in school? 
A: This question brings be back to a time in life that I (and I am sure most of my readers) would like to forget…junior high.  A lovely time in any child’s life where hormones are a blazing and brains are not fully developed.  This of course leads to a very challenging time any parents/children’s life.   The stage in a child’s life the only thing that matters is peer acceptance, and if they don’t achieve peer acceptance self esteem may suffer.  When I consider all the players in a school system, the first person that should be talked to is the teacher.  The teacher may be look upon as the “peacemaker”.  The teacher often knows the culture of a classroom and can deal with the situation in a calm professional nature that will not isolate the culprit or the victim.  If this is not the case then school counselors and/or social workers should be notified immediately.  As for your child, reassure them that you will help in whatever way they want you to assist, as long as no one (including them) gets hurt further.  Your child may have some interesting ideas and talking about it with them in a safe environment may calm them and know that the parent’s opinion is what really matters. 
This is a very controversial subject that could go on forever, however is strongly recommend parents read the book “The Bully The Bullied And The Bystander” by Barbra Coloroso.   I feel she is one of the leading authorities on this subject and this book offers a clear picture about how everyone is a player when it comes to bullying.  This is a short easy read book that will lay a foundation for parents and caregivers. 
(This is not an affiliate link, just a place you can purchase the book).


Q: My daughter has ADHD(Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) , ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and is on Strattera.  She refuses CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and has meltdowns followed by regretful apologies.  She is 12 yrs old and has angry outbursts. Says she doesn’t know why she acts this way or why directed mostly at me (one parent).  I’m trying to get on waiting list for mom/kid anxiety group…what more can I do when she refuses help. She wants to fix it alone but she really needs help…she says doesn’t want to talk about it.  Suggestions? What do I do?

A: Well it sounds like you have a real mixed bag of emotions to deal with, my hats off to you.  Let’s look at what you are doing so far.  The medication is a good step if taken properly.  You may want to check with you health care professional to ensure this is happening.  The medication will help her to focus on what is happening around her so she can get started on some type of self awareness for her ODD and GAD.  Without knowing your daughters personality I would guess that her ODD may play off of her GAD.  Her anxiety level may rise which will trigger her ODD to flare and will cause her to have meltdowns.  And when her anxiety comes back down her ODD will come down with it and she will see what she has done; which is when the apologies follow.  If this is the case there are some things you can do for her.  If she wants to do it herself then I would encourage her to keep a journal surrounding her anxiety.  This may give her some self reflection on what causes her anxiety.  Once this is flagged, then she can start working on that particular issue.
When looking at your question I noticed that you think that her anger is directed to mostly you.  I would tend to say this is a good thing.  She directs her anger towards you because she loves and trusts you.  She knows that no matter what she does you will always be there.  So even thought she is saying with her words she wants to do it herself, her actions may be saying “help me cause I know you love me”.  Now what to do about this?  When she starts to lace into you, put yourself in her shoes.  I am a 12 year old girl who’s body is going through tremendous changes (emotionally and physically), I have three diagnosis that make people quiver, I have to take medications, I have a peer group that judges me no matter what I do (they are girls…that is what they do!) and I hate junior high (see previous question).  Now when you look at that, I don’t blame her for thinking she wants to do it on her own.  So when she starts to target you remind her that you will be there for her no matter what, and that some of what she is projecting is “normal behavior”.  Yes teen girls go crazy sometimes and it is your job to provide a stable environment for her.  Let her know that she is safe with you and that she is normal. 
Good luck and my heart goes out to you and all the other mothers of teenage girls out there, I know I will need it in about 6 years…ugh. 


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Evenspor

Saturday 14th of August 2010

Dear mom of ADHD etc,

Learning to control the impulsive behavior that comes with ADHD is very difficult. Your daughter reminds me a lot of me, so I wonder if maybe the two of you could find some books about her disorders, especially ones that are specifically about them in girls, for her to read (and you too). That would be one way she could help herself.

Lisa

Saturday 14th of August 2010

Hi! I'm your newest follower from the Friday hops!!! Nice to meet you! Great blog! I could stay on here all night! Looking forward to reading more.

Would love it if you'd come visit & return the favor. :)Lisa xoxohttp://RaisingFutureLeaders.blogspot.com

Alex

Friday 13th of August 2010

Great replies Trevor! No surprise there though.

Lauren

Friday 13th of August 2010

HelloNew follower from on of the friday Blog hops!!!You have an adorable blog!!! Hope you have a great friday and wonderful weekend!

xoxoxoLauren www.twentysomethinghousewife.com

Ps I also host a weekly blog hop... so feel free to link up anytime!!!